WMS CLASSIFICATIONS
WMS 1 - The Shirt Tug
WMS 1a - The Clutch - a caress of the torso, causing jersey/shirt to be pushed askew
WMS 1b - The Tug - involves a moment of deep feeling on the part of Clay which results in him grabbing aforementioned jersey/shirt
WMS 1c - The Yank - that aggressive pulling that causes untucking, unbuttoning, and someday, God willing, total annihilation of the garment itself
WMS 1d - The Jacket Flash - The shirt tug choice for television appearances, the Punisher grabs his jacket and pulls it open. The gesture is clearly intended as an invitation to join him inside his clothes. Oops, did I say that out loud?
WMS1e The Lift - First discovered in the St. Louis When Doves Cry videotape by Lightninskirt, this unbelievably sensou uhmmm hideous move leaves women around the world gasping for breath and praying that once, just once (Dear God Please), the Punisher will forget to wear his preferred layered look when he next chooses to unleash this WMS on the unsuspecting female population. It all starts innocently enough, him standing there on the catwalk shoulder pulled back, then he reaches back almost as if to put his hand in his back pocket.
Then (almost as if he doesnt realize hes doing it HAH! yah right he SOOOO KNOWS), he grasps the bottom edge of his shirt and lifts it and pulls it forward, caressing his side as he pulls and lifts, just enough to make jaws drop and hearts race.
If youre not watching closely, you might miss it as the move barely takes 3 seconds from start to finish. But if you do happen to catch it, it is mesmerizing (exactly what he planned it to be Im sure the evil fiend). You will find yourself looping the video, over and over and over and over *cough* (3:50-3:53 for those who wish to inspect) He finishes by looking calmly around (with that half lidded, smokey look), and nonchalantly pulling the edge of his shirt back down, having successfully toasted all the females within 50 yards of the stage and catwalk.
WMS 2 - The Hips
WMS 2a - Grease Hips - patterned after the on-air original move, this rhythmic side-to-side shake is a deadly and frequent companion to WMS 1c
WMS 2b - TBD (AKA Tampa Hips) - This threat is so inflammatory no accurate title can be given to it least the name alone be enough to damage the more fragile among us. Suffice to say this is the "all grown up" version of Grease Hips and I have no hope that any effective defense is possible. WMS 2b is always combined with other WMS', most notably WMS 9b and should you find yourself a victim of this heinous example of biological warfare run amok, we'll miss you.
WMS 2c - Salsa Hips Whats more dangerous than an tall, skinny, white boy? A tall, skinny, white boy with Latin hips. This new and highly arous , I mean disturbing movement involves an unmistakable salsa shake. The hips move back and forth hypnotically while his distractingly large feet stay in place, except for moments of massive overkill when the right foot is raised and stylishly shaken, causing the eye to be drawn to interesting movements south of the border. When the arms are outstretched and the thrust is added this highly explosive combination ignites and incinerates anything in its path. I lost a TV, VCR and laptop just trying to classify this weapon (war is expensive).
WMS 2d Elvis Hips During the extended assault in the states and part of Canada, the Punisher delighted in parading across the stage as though he were channeling Elvis himself. Little did Elvis realize, initially the Punisher was not as flexible as the King had been, even in his later bloated years. The self-taught gyrations of the Punisher still had the innocents held mesmerized. Clockwise and counter clockwise, round and round they went.
*stills spinning eyes*
One could only hope that the Punisher would get tired of such demonstrative attempts I was referring to his performance, but I guess the audience could be counted in on this as well. They cheered him on; his evil grin, his throaty growl and his yelp of glee during the songs were enough to make my ears bleed.
WMS 3 - That Mouth
WMS 3a - Smiling lips - Relaxed, showing those pearly white teeth (settle, Pearrrrly, settle) and those gleaming gums. The smiling lips causes poeple who look at him to smile themselves, perhaps to burst into uncontrollable bouts of laughter, causing stomach aches and pains. Your acid reflux meds will not help this condition. Nothing will.
WMS 3b - Pouty lips - One look at the pouty lips renders the recipient speechless. Heartrate will start to rise, pulse increases, sweat forms on brow. At this point, fantasies will start to form in your mind, you will lose all perception of reality. You will start to breathe heavily. Oxygen will not help. Your mouth will fall open and turn dry. At this point, you have lost it, never to regain it again. So far, there is no cure.
WMS 3c - The Lip Bite - A tried and true staple in the Punisher's arsenal. Anyone in the immediate area will instantly be reduced to a quivering mass!
WMS 3d - Claytongue - enough said, possibilities of survival slim to none.
WMS 3e - The Long-Distance Kiss - As powerful as AlClayda is, even he lacks the capabilities to attack all the females on earth by giving them a real kiss with his delectable, I mean, disgusting lips. As sad, I mean, fortunate as this is, AlClayda has implemented the Long-Distance Kiss, which he sneaks in during his deployment of WMS 8, especially when singing TITN.
WMS 3F- The Lip Tremble - (as launched on the AI3 Solitaire attack). This WMS is an unintentional attack, as he can not control it. However, The Punisher is very aware of the audience's reaction. Going into the bridge of Solitaire, Mr. Punisher sings "A little hope goes up in smoke..." At this time, the Punisher is in his falsetto range and at a pp (pianissimo - very soft sound level). While the Punisher tries to hit his notes without cracking, he casually and desperately releases the oh-so-dreaded lip tremble. More than once. Soldiers confronted with this adorable, I mean, brutal attack will definitely "go up in smoke".
(x a million)
WMS 4 - Bad Clay
WMS 4a -The "bad" (or good, depending on your point of view) word - Highest level of alert, Defcon 5 - This new addition to his arsenal makes our man a global thermonuclayor threat. WMS 4a combined with any or all (God help us) of the above weapons constitutes a Claytron bomb and leads to spontaneous combustion of any females within a 1 mile radius. Should you have reason to suspect a WMS 4a combination attack is imminent, enjoy yourself, it'll be the last thing you do!
WMS 4b - Biker Clay - As depicted in Entertainment Weekly, The Punisher shows his street side, smirk and all. The fact that he looks like a snarky 16-year-old only serves to make even the youngest of us feel like guilty Mrs. Robinsons.
WMS 4c - Snarky Clay - This is that rarely seen alter ego of The Punisher laden with scintillating, I mean, slicing sarcasm. As witnessed in the TRL footage "snarky" AlClayda is a most potent weapon. When he was ragging on the former choir teacher who cut him from the musical (surprised this vile, I mean valiant, creature still exists) with that evil, snarky smirk I felt my brains literally ooze out of my ears. Think back to the Matt and Ramona interview, all we got was aural snarkiness, but who can forget the heat induced by the Punisher's constant attacks on the one who cut him in Charlotte! As much as I love, I mean loathe, his heart/soul there's something even hotter, I mean heinous when the "bad" angel shows up. The PVB must consider all the staggering implications of "snarky" Clay. It demonstrates the enemy's ability to maneouver under pressure, strike back and use its razor hot, I mean sharp, wits. I fear that if we were ever to enage the enemy in a battle of wits we would find ourselves out gunned.
WMS 4d - Cocky Clay (He Knows We Know He Knows and He Likes It) - Watching the brutal attack launched by AlClayda on all of North America at the Miss America Pageant one thing becomes immediately clear, the enemy is no longer pretending to be the clueless "geek" of old. Secure in his power over us and emerging as the heartless seducer, I mean monster, he is, the Punisher unleashed a veritable armada of weaponry in Atlantic City. Knowing we have developed some immunity to his arsenal and wishing to destroy us, he again escalated, adding two new missiles to the firing sequence. I am referring, of course, to the entirely devasting knowing grin and eyebrow raise combo he employed throughout his attack. The evil twinkle in his eyes which accompanied said moves clearly stated "gotcha". Unfortunately for most of us, he did.
WMS 4e - Pissy Punisher - Helllooo! Watch out for that temper--he stomps, pouts, rages, and pounds. It's dead sexy, I mean, silly, I mean, sinister.
WMS 4f Mah Names on the Ticket Clay (Or Theyre Like Toys) - On the JBT also known as the Justified Ballistic Trajectory to me, The Punisher showed his true colors. Ordering his back up singers to Dance *insert whip snap sound here* Dance. Poor Quiana, Jacob, and Angela danced until they could dance no longer, and then The Punisher admonished them right there on stage. *shivers* That was a particularly gruesome sight. The Punisher singled out Angela on numerous occasions and even went so far as to chase her across stage one night in Kettering, OH. Have no fear, back up singers; the WMS is currently hatching Operation Freedom to rescue you
WMS 4g Patriotic Punisher The summer of 2005 was not the first viewing of this Punisher. He was in the past in the US Capital singing patriotic ditties in hope to sway the military presence there. He wants us to believe he must have nerves of titanium. He actually wore the colors of the United States during his performance... I am personally outraged. You would think the government had a hand in this fiasco. In the televised field engagement, the military members thankfully did not appear misty eyed.
Patriotic Punisher did reappear in Toronto, however. Psst Punisher You are not Canadian. He sang O Canada at the masses urging. Do these people not understand the seriousness of their actions? Thankfully, his wardrobe was Canadian color free; as it was there was Canadian throng thudding in the aisles.
However, instead of just the soft whump noise of bodies hitting the dirt that I am used to hearing in the US, a soft Eh? followed it. They were like lemmings, I tell ya. Poor souls. Even in force, the WMS officers present couldnt prevent the entire amphitheater for falling for his tricks. I have it on good authority that at least one so called Clayversion occurred when a particular ladys undergarment spontaneously burst open, lift and separate indeed.
*shivers*
Frightening.
WMS 5 - Body Shots
WMS 5a - The "belly" (AKA tummy, treasure trail) - This most devastating of weapons is so lethal no effective measurement of its threat level exists. OMC has claimed he harbors no biological weapons and has signed a treaty promising to use no biological weapons. Do we believe him? I don't think we can afford to take the chance, after all look what happened the only time this weapon was used and that was just a test. Should he ever attempt to increase the "kill" factor of other WMS' by introducing WMS 5a the effects would be catastrophic.
WMS 5b - THE RUMP - a.k.a. 'Ooops, I Forgot My Underpants' or 'The Underpants are off'
Every brave Inspector knew that the Punisher was concealing hidden weapons; every brave Inspector was quaking in her regulation boots about the potential havoc that would be released on an unsuspecting public during the current tour. We've now seen just how low the Punisher is prepared to stoop for his cause ... has the monster no shame at all? Just when we believed we had catalogued the worst the Punisher could throw at us ... he gets nasty. This is it, Inspectors ... the gloves - nay, the very underpants, are off.
This delectable - er - disgusting atrocity could also be known as 'The Peach' for obvious reasons ... something that seems to be a recurring theme with the fiend. Not only do his kisses taste of peaches, but he appears to have been hiding a perfect, ripe example of one in his * cough* arsenal ...
Inspectors and innocent civilians should take heed. If he makes the slightest move to bend over - run. Or pull out a camera. You have been warned.
WMS 5c Still Clay (AKA The Heart Clutch) - The intense and disturbing power that photographic evidence of AlClayda possesses. An example is Claysgurl's report of picking up her copy of the Elle propaganda:
WMS 6 - Those Eyes
WMS 6a - Innocent Eyes - Seemingly harmless, these twinkling orbs pose a real threat in their ability to lure us in and render us more vulnerable to any other WMS.
WMS 6b - "Getting Eyes" - Beware, concert goers, it could happen to you. Protective eyewear is the only defense.
WMS 6c - The Eye Debacle (you all know it's real name which is too dangerous to even type) - The only reason this hasn't killed anyone yet, is that it has only been delivered through the camera. If he ever uses it face to face, people will die.
WMS 6d - Come Hither Eyes - Causes immediate and indefinite paralysis. Look away. Now.
WMS 6e - The Wink - a lesser version of WMS 7 and not necessarily accompanied by WMS 1a-1c, its power lies in its ability to lower the defenses of the victim. This power renders it lethal when combined with any other WMS.
WMS 6f - The Lateral Eye Debacle This stunning, magnificent, I mean monstrous, and debilitating new weapon was unleashed on at least 9 occasions during the Nick performance, setting some kind of aggression record in this war. Further evidence that he knows we know he knows and he likes it, this takes WMS 6c to a cruelly sensual level.
WMS 6g - Closed Eye Debacle - How is this even possible? How can you eye debacle someone if your eyes are closed? I forced myself to endure this intel over and over in an attempt to answer this burning question. Perhaps its the incredibly long (and evil) eyelashes or, perhaps, its the fact that AlClayda eyes are more expressive (and evil) closed then most peoples are open. Maybe it was the especially potent smirk that accompanied every closed eye debacle? I really dont know how it works but boy does it.
WMS 6h - Framed - In the same way a frame draws the eye to a piece of artwork on the wall, those seemingly innocuous silver glasses capture the gaze of even the most hardened inspector. And, once he has you hopelessly locked in, the Punisher can have his debacling way with you. There is no known decontamination strong enough to thwart this tactic.
WMS 7 The Clutch Smirk A devastating weapon employed during performances of Invisible whereby OMC clutches his shirt, swivels his hips (sometimes accompanied with a knee bend, which seriously escalates threat level) then, after hearing female screams, OMC moves on with a self-satisfied smirk. Unfortunately this I know you know that I know smirk is not annoying in the least, it's incredibly sexy. All concert goers should avert their eyes at the most vulnerable moments to minimize risk of exposure.
WMS 8 - The Voice - WMS 8 in combination with 2 or more other WMS' is believed to be HIGHLY addictive and hazardous to your mental well-being. It is recommended for optimum safety that civilians in the presence of WMS 8 wear blindfolds. Inspectors will be provided with protective gear certified to withstand WMS 8 + two additional WMS' before hazmat codes are breached.
WMS 8a - The Glory Notes - truly spine-chilling, they last forever and sound as if they could cut through glass.
WMS 8b - Falsetto - can sometimes prove to be a weakness for The Punisher (can anyone say Oprah?). However, when the falsetto voice is successful (I neeeeeeed your love), the effect is devastating.
WMS 8c - Lower register - the deep manly voice can only be compared to chocolate, delicious and seductive, and of course highly toxic
WMS 8d - Whispery voice - Very dangerous, as he is capable of using this sound to convey either wistful longing or quiet intimacy, making you feel as though he is singing only for you. This is how he calls his victims.
WMS 8e - Nasal voice - Think "Grease", think "The Girl Is Mine". Peter Cetera meets Michael Jackson in this strange disguise that the Punisher's voice sometimes assumes.
WMS 8f - Soft voice - Not the same as 8d, the soft voice occurs most often at the end of a phrase on the "oo" sound, occurs with lots of vibrato. (see 8g)
WMS 8g - Vibrato - One of the most serious weapons. Analysis of leaked intel shows that RCA may be on our side, and having determined the danger of WMS 8g, is forcing the Punisher to refrain from deploying this particular weapon in the upcoming propaganda to be released Oct. 14.
WMS 8h - The Growl - This weapon was first deployed on Movie Night, and has made occasional appearances since. However, it did not receive the attention it deserved until it was deployed in Memphis (home of the last great hip-shake). Has also been observed in the leaked RCA intel. Inspector Pearrrrly happens to be relatively immune to 8h. Well, as immune as possible given that The Punisher is involved.
WMS 8i - The Release - Sometimes referred to as a "grunt" it is a breathy, sexy utterance at the end of a note....A prime example occurs at the end of the final note in Solitaire. Assistant Minister Pearrrrly requests that it be noted she was too squeamish to name this particular WMS, leaving the strong of stomach Gwyn to do it instead.
WMS 8j - Choir-boy Clay - Warning - this weapon may make you weep if you happen to be a musician from the sheer beauty, I mean horror, that comes from The Punisher's mouth when he is singing softly and oh-so-trained-correctly. Of course, 8j has to be concealed at all times, otherwise it would be The Punisher's downfall, sending him straight to that street-in-New-York-City-that-shall-not-be-named.
WMS 8k - the Clay Wail - As demonstrated in the last chorus of Invisible, the primal screams of The Punisher on his highest note followed by a deliberate voice break are so dangerous that the Dark Overlords of RCA have deemed it necessary to protect the public by adding multiple layers of engineering to dilute the effect. If the Wail were to be performed live without technological disguise, the fatality rate would be 99 percent.
WMS 8l - The Snarl - This is not as deep as the growl, but is more aggressive. It was unleashed in the Nick performance on the last chorus during the word "smartest". It caused my brain to instantly melt into a jumble of very unladylike thoughts.
WMS 9 - Those Legs
WMS 9a - The Strut - The new swagger in OMC's step once he has launched his devastating combination attack on innocent civilians is a VERY REAL THREAT. WMS 9a in combination with any one or more other WMS is cause for evacuating within a one mile radius of the blast zone/arena.
WMS 9b - The Stance - bad enough on its own but combined with other WMS' (particularly WMS 2) devastating in its impact.
WMS 10 Giving Knee (a.k.a St. Louis Knees) St. Louis is proving to be a turning point in the war, no longer does our enemy pretend, he is now a pure killing machine and liking it. This move can be most effectively described as the coup de grace, an athletic & arousing, I mean alarming, finishing touch to the barrage of heavy fire which precedes it. By the time AlClayda launches WMS 10, his victims are bruised, bleeding and on the ropes, such an obvious overkill can only serve to illustrate the depth of his desirability, I mean depravity. May he suffer for the pain he is causing. Just you wait, mister, keep bending those knees down deep like that and one day youll be stuck there!!!!
WMS 11 - The Pump & Pop - As several field agents had previously reported, the enemy is now self-powering and can use his on board reactor to expand the arsenal before an attack. Should you ever see the disturbing move I am about to describe, retreat immediately to a safe distance (approx. 3 miles). AlClayda uses voltage from the glory note as auditory plutonium which then produces an arousing, I mean disturbing growling sound. To transform this substance into power for his weapons he first bends low, then moving his right arm in a devasting pumping motion he begins the process. This mid-song refueling is so poweful, excess energy actually shots out of the bottoms of his feet lifting him several inches into the air. Fully re-charged, he finishes with a terrifying threat "make you miiiiine tonight".
WMS 12 - Poor Clayby - Even our knowledge of the enemy's true nature cannot protect us from the power of vulnerable Clay. I dare even the strongest of you to see that brave little smile, watch him struggle up the stairs or limp across the stage, pain on his face, while still trying to please us and not crack. There is no defensive shield strong enough for poor Clayby and only one possible reaction. You feel an overhwhelming desire to comfort, hold a cool cloth to his fevered brow, massage his poor injured leg, then throw him down and give him something to take his mind off the pain!!! BAD, BAD *slaps self*
WMS 13 Seattle Shimmy This has been the most delightful, I mean difficult WMS to classify, due to its improvisational nature. Like the first Clutch, the Seattle Shimmy just happened. Poor Clayby, feeling he was not punishing the audience enough invented an entirely new and highly disturbing weapon suited to his unlimited sexiness but limited mobility on this particular occasion. Should he ever polish and escalate this move, god help us all. It begins with a stage cross left to right, as he is entreating us to make you mine tonight, he unleashes an unmistakable shimmying movement with his shoulders and left arm upon the unsuspecting audience. This arousing, I mean frightening shake is followed with a semi-knee bend and outstretched left arm on the long miiiiine note. Then, in a devastating act of aggression AlClayda brings his left hand up to mid chest level and vigorously begins caressing his jersey in extremely fast, small circles (oh, to be THAT jersey), then flicks his arm away and struts to stage right, smirk in place.
WMS 13a Ankles Away! During the JBT, the Punisher felt the need to not only elevate himself above his minio.. er, audience but to attack a defenseless grand piano in the process. Since the majority of his shows were in the great outdoors, the WMS missed prime timetable objectives in his capture. In his heightened, I mean elevated state, our air aircrafts should have been able to blast the arenas with one anti-Punisher smoke bomb, dissipating his mesermising hold. His rocking movements from side to side in WMS 2d Elvis Hips combined with the shifting of the weight from one foot to the other from side to side and then eventually up onto the balls of his feet, flaunting the flexibility of his ankles were very arou , I mean sickening. And what wouldnt we give to see those rockin motions once more, CbA put those panties away I meant, behind the stockade bars where he and his rockin motions belong. Alone. With no soldiers there. Yeah, thats what I meant.
WMS 14 - Those Hands - As implements of non-verbal communication, AlClayda's hands are as chatty as the rest of him. He uses them constantly, whether with speech or song, to point, beckon, offer grand sweeping gestures, or deliver decisive punctuation to his words. They are eloquent in their diverse repertoire--one moment graceful and soft, the next strong and entirely masculine. They are enticing and very hypnotic. This is clearly meant as a weapon of mind control.
WMS 14a - The Touch - When The Punisher uses his hands to touch, oh, anything, be it a microphone, microphone stand, another person, a Krispy Kreme donut, he taps into an altogether different phenomenon. As humans, we are very dependent upon our hands for sensory input and are continually aware, whether consciously or subconsciously, of what our hands are touching. The extension of this is that, when we watch another person touch something, our brains register one of two things. We either "feel" the object we see being touched, or we "feel" the touch on our own skin. This is why poor innocents are dropping left and right at the mere sight of the mic stand caress, and posting pic after pic of Clay's hand on Julia's hip.
WMS 14b - Laying On Hands - This is the component that renders those shirt tugs so deadly. When The Punisher lays his hand on his own body we are caught in the sensory web of combining the options mentioned above. In other words, your brain is interpreting that input either as his hand on your body or your hand on his. Repeated viewing of these events allows the brain to refine its interpretations and raise them to levels of increased conscious awareness. Repeated exposure may result in brain death.
WMS 14c - The Point - A weapon of deadly precision, which employs WMS 14a as a means of aiming any other WMS being simultaneously deployed, The Point enables AlClayda to concentrate the entire force of the attack onto one helpless individual.
WMS 14d - Hands Up - This is a gesture of mock surrender in which AlClayda raises both hands, palms forward. Watch carefully, though, as his hand slowly curls into a defiant fist. Insufferable man!
WMS 15 - The ClayGroove - The unthinkable has happened. What we have long suspected has been unveiled. Sactown Invisible 3:28 confirms that The Punisher not only can dance, he will. So far there is no known defense to this new method of assault.
WMS 16 - Out-of-Body Clay - This category belongs to that insidious set of weaponry that is, I hate to say it, but I must, invisible.
WMS 16a - Mind Control - This is happening to you whether you know it or not. It could be subliminal messages in The Voice, a hypnotic effect of Those Eyes, or, for those poor creatures who have found themselves in close physical proximity with The Punisher, the dreaded Pheromones. Whatever it is, it triggers obsessive thought patterns, incessant dreaming, compulsive shirt-tugging, and binge purchasing of AlClayda propaganda.
WMS 16b - Emotional Clay - This is one of AlClayda's most sly and indefensible weapons. Witnessing the yammy face, the tear-filled eyes, or various heart-rending displays of his compassion for others is guaranteed to lower the defenses of the afflicted.
WMS 16c - Intellectual Clay - This is the effect that AlClayda rouses in us when he's being serious. This is the Bubel/Aiken Press Conference. This is the DC Screen Actors Guild Initiative on Education. This is when he speaks without using notes. This is the mode he goes into when asked about the BAF. This is how words like "debacle" and "surreal," which before were rarely used words in the English language, are now nearly pillow talk. This is how he can be completely serious (no clutching or shimmying or caressing) and still make us feel like we're about to melt.
WMS 16d - Mind Debacle - The Punisher's ability to slice, dice and filet using only the power of his diabolical mind and that tongue all while still coming across as a "nice guy."
WMS 16e - The Vibe - He gives it - we get it - it's silent, but deadly and it gets us each and every time. He walks into the room, we are poised, ready for the assault we know is imminent. No amount of preparation can save us from what is about to occur. There is no defense short of averting our eyes and covering our ears to shield us from the effects of the attack soon to be released upon us. It begins with a glance around the room, and a smile.
Oh, he looks very innocent, but looks can be deceiving. Hands folded in front of him like a teacher in his classroom waiting to instruct his students with his lesson plan for the day. He's a very good teacher, and we learn our lessons well. For when he is finished with this subtle, and clever attack, we are left with a smile on our face and a feeling of warmth radiating throughout our body, not realizing that once again, we've been had! Akin to the Out of Body 'invisible' weapon, this weapon gives off a feeling, a 'vibe'. "From his body, to our body," and nobody is safe. How do you stop his good vibration?
WMS 17 - The Wrapping - AlClayda has maliciously described himself as a gift with new and improved wrapping. Well, Mr. Punisher, you know what happens to wrapping paper--don't say we didn't warn you!
WMS 17a - The 501s
WMS 17b - Fuzzy Sweaters
WMS 17c - The Jersey
WMS 17d - A Brief Encounter (see Ellen)
WMS 17e - Underpants Amnesia
WMS 17f - Yipes! Stripes!
WMS 17g - Woostinkinglowrisebootcuthoo!
WMS 17h - Boy's in the Hoodie
WMS 17i Fever Pitched Fedora
WMS 18 - Claylias - Will the real AlClayda please stand up! Never be fooled into thinking you are seeing the "real" AlClayda, the man has as many Claylias' as he does clones! The inspector who forgets this will end up bunny food!
WMS 19 - The Cluppy - This is Raleigh he coos, gazing into those big brown eyes with limpid looks of love; stroking those big, ugly hands over that soft puppy fur and whispering sweet nothings into those floppy ears. By the time he hands off his fluffy ball of pure evil to the waiting underlings every potential victim is a puddle of goo on the floor with only one thought resonating in what's left of their poor, sad brains "be the puppy, be the puppy".
WMS 20 - Love at First Bite (aka That Neck) - "Boy, his laryngeal prominence really is a... prominence, isn't it? Very unattractive, Mr. Punisher. Never mind that is where his glorious, er hideous deep voice comes from since I hate it anyway. And it's difficult to tell whether those bulges on the right side of his neck are veins or tendons from his sternocleidomastoid muscle. Come on guys, say it with me! STERNOCLEIDOMASTOID!" ~ Dr. Nat
WMS 20a - The Lateral Neck - The Punisher cocks his head ever so slightly to the direction opposite the camera, tilts his chin back and lays bare a wide expanse of neck to the viewer. With his knees, he adjusts the height of his stance, so that maximum surface area gets exposed, including chest and countable chest hair, and a stunningly detailed profile. It leaves him in a position that is seemingly open, yet the Punisher is secure in the knowledge that no one will dare attack it.
WMS 20b - Deep Throat - The Punisher steps up to the mike and lays back his head, exposing the lumpy neck in front, and proceeds to utilize the more flamboyant WMS 8 to give everyone a view of his tonsils. This invokes an uncontrollable urge to crawl deep down inside there just to take a look around and see what makes what tick, and turns even seasoned inspectors to thoughts of going to med school to become ENT specialists.
WMS 20c - The Drop - The Punisher has taken Deep Throat and polished and honed it to lethal perfection. He moves to the mike stand, faces it head on, lets loose the WMS 8, usually with a closed eye debacle, bends his knees and drops his shoulder to give an impression both to the camera and the live audience that he is going down with the proverbial note.
WMS 21 - To the Mattresses (aka Sleepy Clay) - Leaving little to the imagination (or maybe way too much), the Punisher has taken his seduction plot to the mattresses, in open mockery of our own battle cry. As 4Clay so succinctly put it, "He's in bed. Kinda half up and it kinda makes me want to just push him right back down and, and . . . tuck him in. That's right--tuck him in and tell him a bedtime story."
WMS 22 - Splitting Hairs
WMS 22a - The Sideburns - A devastating reminder of the crimson sin. One cannot view the natural, wiry, cinnamon sideburns without being haunted by the mystery. Is it more devastating to see them in all their glory, or to watch them grow before our very eyes, only to disappear again? The fiend knows his victims and seeks to disarm us all, woman and girl alike.
WMS 22b - The Eyebrows - Weapons of expression used to enhance the wink, the smirk, and the yammy face among other diabolical facial assaults.
WMS 22c - The Stubble - A fiendish display of rugged masculinity. He draws you in with those big green eyes, the fluttering lashes, the soft shell-pink lips, and then finishes you off with a little rug burn.
WMS 22d Short Hair Think AI2 and JBT and you'll be on the right track, or the wrong one, depending on your point of view. Short hair proves extra dangerous because it exposes his tender and beautiful neck, drawing us in to imagine placing soft kisses just under the hairline. The mere thought can leave us incoherent, and therein lies the true danger, for we can easily become confused about the true meaning of 'taking the Punisher down.'
WMS 22e Medium Length Hair Think AI3 Fantasy, the Independent Tour, and Hawaii hair. Wait! Have I lost you already? Buck up soldiers! It's imperative that you refrain from imagining your hands running through it. You're under orders to turn away when he runs his own long, sensous fingers through the endless softness. Be strong and don't let yourselves imagine that he's doing it from frustration your mission will be over before it begins.
WMS 22f Long Hair So far, this particular WMS has yet to be seen, but the mere incredible potential of it's appearance is enough for us to issue a warning. The mere threat of long, soft hair whispering over his strong shoulders as he moves sinuously across our field of vision has all our senses on alert. Should this dangerous WMS make an appearance in the near future, we shudder to imagine the resulting casualties.
WMS 23 The Punisher Punch - In a blatant move of aggression, The Punisher first unleashed the weapon now known as The Punisher Punch during the historic SNL attack. After weakening his audience (read: innocent victims) with aural punishment and his classic mic stand manhandling during Invisible, this fiend - in a moment of apparent deep feeling, (he seems to have those a lot) croons, Waaaaaaait, draws back his right hand (we should have seen it coming), and then delivers a very deliberate punch directly to our collective solar plexus no doubt intended to knock the breath out of his victims, leaving them prone on the ground, gasping for air and desperately trying to recoup their scattered wits. Sadly, as this inspector was startled by the assertiveness of this particular move, he achieved his goal. Knowing that once is never enough for this merciless fiend, it is not surprising that he has now made this deathblow a part of his modus operandi deploying it with shocking regularity and increasing hostility throughout his march of death, commonly referred to as the tour, across the country. Unfortunately, no amount of excessive padding or protective gear seems to cushion the blow.
WMS 24 - Mic Work - Stroking, snapping, or tossing, AlClayda flaunts his ability to use those hands. It's a thinly veiled threat; displaying what he'd like to do if he ever got his hands on an inspector.
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WMS 24a - Calming the Mic - Let us start proximally, then move distally, shall we? The subject maintains his arm in the adducted position throughout the maneuver, keeping it in close proximity to his thorax. Im guessing the subject does this so he can more easily extend his forearm. After all, why would his intended victims want to see an extremity flopping all over the place in utter chaos? Not a pretty site, and the subject knows this. As we move distally to the forearm, we see that the subject goes into partial extension of his forearm, releasing and relaxing his biceps and contracting his triceps all in one swift motion so as to move his forearm inferiorly on the mic stand. As we move to the wrist, we see that the subject maintains it in a neutral position, neither flexed nor extended. This is a very controlled movement, because if the subject did flex or extend his wrist, he would likely knock over the mic stand.
And at last we reach the subjects hand the subject maintains his first digit in an abducted position by the continuous contraction of his abductor pollicis brevis muscle. This allows the subject to delicately glide his first digit inferiorly on the mic stand, making the movement smooth and effortless. Before the subject begins to move inferiorly on the mic stand, his metacarpophalangeal joints (MCPs), proximal interphalangeal joints (PIPs), and distal interphalangeal joints (DIPs) remain flexed. As he moves inferiorly on the mic stand, he appears to extend all MCPs (his 4th and 5th digit more than the others), and also extends his 4th and 5th digit PIPs and DIPs. At the same time, he also uses his dorsal interossei muscles to abduct his 2nd-5th digits. To his intended victim, this appears as if he is spreading his fingers apart while using his thumb to glide down the mic stand.
WMS 24b - One Mic Stand
WMS 24c - The Twirl
WMS 24d - Let it Roll
WMS 24e - The Snap
WMS 25 Shouldering the Burden Shoulder work has long been a lost art form er, of torture chambers. Unfortunately the Punisher himself has realized the entrancing power of the shoulders, and intends on using them to their broadest, um fullest extent.
WMS 25a Living La Vida Loca Shoulders of Doom Shown about the lower forty-eight and parts of Canada in 2005, Living La Vida Loca shoulder shimmies were new and exciting for the Punisher to develop. If you notice in early clack from the period, there was not so much movement; wise choice, Mr. Punisher. He was aware of our presence in field engagements. He became fascinated and almost mesmerized by the possibilities of more movement, and possible capture. Wait, that was me ummm *ahem* He became brazen toward the end of the engagements, swaggering this way and that; arms held out from his body as though there were an invisible force tugging from one side to the other. *Note to field infantry: This would be the perfect time to lasso his wrists for capture.
WMS 25b Unicef Relief (or Give A Little Bit Shoulders of Sensuality)
Thanks to our extremely talented Minister of Interrogation YouStopRightNow (a.k.a. Don'tStopEver) for The Punisher Dossier!
WMS 1 - The Shirt Tug
WMS 1a - The Clutch - a caress of the torso, causing jersey/shirt to be pushed askew
WMS 1b - The Tug - involves a moment of deep feeling on the part of Clay which results in him grabbing aforementioned jersey/shirt
WMS 1c - The Yank - that aggressive pulling that causes untucking, unbuttoning, and someday, God willing, total annihilation of the garment itself
WMS 1d - The Jacket Flash - The shirt tug choice for television appearances, the Punisher grabs his jacket and pulls it open. The gesture is clearly intended as an invitation to join him inside his clothes. Oops, did I say that out loud?
WMS1e The Lift - First discovered in the St. Louis When Doves Cry videotape by Lightninskirt, this unbelievably sensou uhmmm hideous move leaves women around the world gasping for breath and praying that once, just once (Dear God Please), the Punisher will forget to wear his preferred layered look when he next chooses to unleash this WMS on the unsuspecting female population. It all starts innocently enough, him standing there on the catwalk shoulder pulled back, then he reaches back almost as if to put his hand in his back pocket.
Then (almost as if he doesnt realize hes doing it HAH! yah right he SOOOO KNOWS), he grasps the bottom edge of his shirt and lifts it and pulls it forward, caressing his side as he pulls and lifts, just enough to make jaws drop and hearts race.
If youre not watching closely, you might miss it as the move barely takes 3 seconds from start to finish. But if you do happen to catch it, it is mesmerizing (exactly what he planned it to be Im sure the evil fiend). You will find yourself looping the video, over and over and over and over *cough* (3:50-3:53 for those who wish to inspect) He finishes by looking calmly around (with that half lidded, smokey look), and nonchalantly pulling the edge of his shirt back down, having successfully toasted all the females within 50 yards of the stage and catwalk.
WMS 2 - The Hips
WMS 2a - Grease Hips - patterned after the on-air original move, this rhythmic side-to-side shake is a deadly and frequent companion to WMS 1c
WMS 2b - TBD (AKA Tampa Hips) - This threat is so inflammatory no accurate title can be given to it least the name alone be enough to damage the more fragile among us. Suffice to say this is the "all grown up" version of Grease Hips and I have no hope that any effective defense is possible. WMS 2b is always combined with other WMS', most notably WMS 9b and should you find yourself a victim of this heinous example of biological warfare run amok, we'll miss you.
WMS 2c - Salsa Hips Whats more dangerous than an tall, skinny, white boy? A tall, skinny, white boy with Latin hips. This new and highly arous , I mean disturbing movement involves an unmistakable salsa shake. The hips move back and forth hypnotically while his distractingly large feet stay in place, except for moments of massive overkill when the right foot is raised and stylishly shaken, causing the eye to be drawn to interesting movements south of the border. When the arms are outstretched and the thrust is added this highly explosive combination ignites and incinerates anything in its path. I lost a TV, VCR and laptop just trying to classify this weapon (war is expensive).
WMS 2d Elvis Hips During the extended assault in the states and part of Canada, the Punisher delighted in parading across the stage as though he were channeling Elvis himself. Little did Elvis realize, initially the Punisher was not as flexible as the King had been, even in his later bloated years. The self-taught gyrations of the Punisher still had the innocents held mesmerized. Clockwise and counter clockwise, round and round they went.
*stills spinning eyes*
One could only hope that the Punisher would get tired of such demonstrative attempts I was referring to his performance, but I guess the audience could be counted in on this as well. They cheered him on; his evil grin, his throaty growl and his yelp of glee during the songs were enough to make my ears bleed.
WMS 3 - That Mouth
WMS 3a - Smiling lips - Relaxed, showing those pearly white teeth (settle, Pearrrrly, settle) and those gleaming gums. The smiling lips causes poeple who look at him to smile themselves, perhaps to burst into uncontrollable bouts of laughter, causing stomach aches and pains. Your acid reflux meds will not help this condition. Nothing will.
WMS 3b - Pouty lips - One look at the pouty lips renders the recipient speechless. Heartrate will start to rise, pulse increases, sweat forms on brow. At this point, fantasies will start to form in your mind, you will lose all perception of reality. You will start to breathe heavily. Oxygen will not help. Your mouth will fall open and turn dry. At this point, you have lost it, never to regain it again. So far, there is no cure.
WMS 3c - The Lip Bite - A tried and true staple in the Punisher's arsenal. Anyone in the immediate area will instantly be reduced to a quivering mass!
WMS 3d - Claytongue - enough said, possibilities of survival slim to none.
WMS 3e - The Long-Distance Kiss - As powerful as AlClayda is, even he lacks the capabilities to attack all the females on earth by giving them a real kiss with his delectable, I mean, disgusting lips. As sad, I mean, fortunate as this is, AlClayda has implemented the Long-Distance Kiss, which he sneaks in during his deployment of WMS 8, especially when singing TITN.
WMS 3F- The Lip Tremble - (as launched on the AI3 Solitaire attack). This WMS is an unintentional attack, as he can not control it. However, The Punisher is very aware of the audience's reaction. Going into the bridge of Solitaire, Mr. Punisher sings "A little hope goes up in smoke..." At this time, the Punisher is in his falsetto range and at a pp (pianissimo - very soft sound level). While the Punisher tries to hit his notes without cracking, he casually and desperately releases the oh-so-dreaded lip tremble. More than once. Soldiers confronted with this adorable, I mean, brutal attack will definitely "go up in smoke".
(x a million)
WMS 4 - Bad Clay
WMS 4a -The "bad" (or good, depending on your point of view) word - Highest level of alert, Defcon 5 - This new addition to his arsenal makes our man a global thermonuclayor threat. WMS 4a combined with any or all (God help us) of the above weapons constitutes a Claytron bomb and leads to spontaneous combustion of any females within a 1 mile radius. Should you have reason to suspect a WMS 4a combination attack is imminent, enjoy yourself, it'll be the last thing you do!
WMS 4b - Biker Clay - As depicted in Entertainment Weekly, The Punisher shows his street side, smirk and all. The fact that he looks like a snarky 16-year-old only serves to make even the youngest of us feel like guilty Mrs. Robinsons.
WMS 4c - Snarky Clay - This is that rarely seen alter ego of The Punisher laden with scintillating, I mean, slicing sarcasm. As witnessed in the TRL footage "snarky" AlClayda is a most potent weapon. When he was ragging on the former choir teacher who cut him from the musical (surprised this vile, I mean valiant, creature still exists) with that evil, snarky smirk I felt my brains literally ooze out of my ears. Think back to the Matt and Ramona interview, all we got was aural snarkiness, but who can forget the heat induced by the Punisher's constant attacks on the one who cut him in Charlotte! As much as I love, I mean loathe, his heart/soul there's something even hotter, I mean heinous when the "bad" angel shows up. The PVB must consider all the staggering implications of "snarky" Clay. It demonstrates the enemy's ability to maneouver under pressure, strike back and use its razor hot, I mean sharp, wits. I fear that if we were ever to enage the enemy in a battle of wits we would find ourselves out gunned.
WMS 4d - Cocky Clay (He Knows We Know He Knows and He Likes It) - Watching the brutal attack launched by AlClayda on all of North America at the Miss America Pageant one thing becomes immediately clear, the enemy is no longer pretending to be the clueless "geek" of old. Secure in his power over us and emerging as the heartless seducer, I mean monster, he is, the Punisher unleashed a veritable armada of weaponry in Atlantic City. Knowing we have developed some immunity to his arsenal and wishing to destroy us, he again escalated, adding two new missiles to the firing sequence. I am referring, of course, to the entirely devasting knowing grin and eyebrow raise combo he employed throughout his attack. The evil twinkle in his eyes which accompanied said moves clearly stated "gotcha". Unfortunately for most of us, he did.
WMS 4e - Pissy Punisher - Helllooo! Watch out for that temper--he stomps, pouts, rages, and pounds. It's dead sexy, I mean, silly, I mean, sinister.
WMS 4f Mah Names on the Ticket Clay (Or Theyre Like Toys) - On the JBT also known as the Justified Ballistic Trajectory to me, The Punisher showed his true colors. Ordering his back up singers to Dance *insert whip snap sound here* Dance. Poor Quiana, Jacob, and Angela danced until they could dance no longer, and then The Punisher admonished them right there on stage. *shivers* That was a particularly gruesome sight. The Punisher singled out Angela on numerous occasions and even went so far as to chase her across stage one night in Kettering, OH. Have no fear, back up singers; the WMS is currently hatching Operation Freedom to rescue you
WMS 4g Patriotic Punisher The summer of 2005 was not the first viewing of this Punisher. He was in the past in the US Capital singing patriotic ditties in hope to sway the military presence there. He wants us to believe he must have nerves of titanium. He actually wore the colors of the United States during his performance... I am personally outraged. You would think the government had a hand in this fiasco. In the televised field engagement, the military members thankfully did not appear misty eyed.
Patriotic Punisher did reappear in Toronto, however. Psst Punisher You are not Canadian. He sang O Canada at the masses urging. Do these people not understand the seriousness of their actions? Thankfully, his wardrobe was Canadian color free; as it was there was Canadian throng thudding in the aisles.
However, instead of just the soft whump noise of bodies hitting the dirt that I am used to hearing in the US, a soft Eh? followed it. They were like lemmings, I tell ya. Poor souls. Even in force, the WMS officers present couldnt prevent the entire amphitheater for falling for his tricks. I have it on good authority that at least one so called Clayversion occurred when a particular ladys undergarment spontaneously burst open, lift and separate indeed.
*shivers*
Frightening.
WMS 5 - Body Shots
WMS 5a - The "belly" (AKA tummy, treasure trail) - This most devastating of weapons is so lethal no effective measurement of its threat level exists. OMC has claimed he harbors no biological weapons and has signed a treaty promising to use no biological weapons. Do we believe him? I don't think we can afford to take the chance, after all look what happened the only time this weapon was used and that was just a test. Should he ever attempt to increase the "kill" factor of other WMS' by introducing WMS 5a the effects would be catastrophic.
WMS 5b - THE RUMP - a.k.a. 'Ooops, I Forgot My Underpants' or 'The Underpants are off'
Every brave Inspector knew that the Punisher was concealing hidden weapons; every brave Inspector was quaking in her regulation boots about the potential havoc that would be released on an unsuspecting public during the current tour. We've now seen just how low the Punisher is prepared to stoop for his cause ... has the monster no shame at all? Just when we believed we had catalogued the worst the Punisher could throw at us ... he gets nasty. This is it, Inspectors ... the gloves - nay, the very underpants, are off.
This delectable - er - disgusting atrocity could also be known as 'The Peach' for obvious reasons ... something that seems to be a recurring theme with the fiend. Not only do his kisses taste of peaches, but he appears to have been hiding a perfect, ripe example of one in his * cough* arsenal ...
Inspectors and innocent civilians should take heed. If he makes the slightest move to bend over - run. Or pull out a camera. You have been warned.
WMS 5c Still Clay (AKA The Heart Clutch) - The intense and disturbing power that photographic evidence of AlClayda possesses. An example is Claysgurl's report of picking up her copy of the Elle propaganda:
Quote:How many comrades have experienced that strange jolt upon viewing photographic intel, known as the heart clutch (not to mention the heart tug or the heart yank!). The number must have hit hundreds of thousands. AlClayda is truly evil ... he does not even need clones to send women across the world thudding to the floors of their computer rooms.
Slipped stealthily into aisle...picked up file without being noticed...opened file to page 176....
Actually moaned in the aisle Civilian noticed moan and moved away (also not inflated...woman gave wary look and pushed cart about five feet away before continuing to read her magaine).
Had to fight the urge to lick the photo right in the store...made it until I got to the car, then succumbed.
Quote:
He's all rumpled up...I feel like if I were dating Clay and maybe we got in a fight or something, that THAT is what I'd find sitting in my front step when I showed up at home at four in the morning, like he'd been sitting there waiting all night. A trace of stubble, a slight rasp to his voice...his tongue flicking over his lips before he speaks..."Darlin'...I'm sorry."
And yes, I would yank him in the door SO fast!!!!...
~CallMePennyClayne
WMS 6 - Those Eyes
WMS 6a - Innocent Eyes - Seemingly harmless, these twinkling orbs pose a real threat in their ability to lure us in and render us more vulnerable to any other WMS.
WMS 6b - "Getting Eyes" - Beware, concert goers, it could happen to you. Protective eyewear is the only defense.
WMS 6c - The Eye Debacle (you all know it's real name which is too dangerous to even type) - The only reason this hasn't killed anyone yet, is that it has only been delivered through the camera. If he ever uses it face to face, people will die.
WMS 6d - Come Hither Eyes - Causes immediate and indefinite paralysis. Look away. Now.
WMS 6e - The Wink - a lesser version of WMS 7 and not necessarily accompanied by WMS 1a-1c, its power lies in its ability to lower the defenses of the victim. This power renders it lethal when combined with any other WMS.
WMS 6f - The Lateral Eye Debacle This stunning, magnificent, I mean monstrous, and debilitating new weapon was unleashed on at least 9 occasions during the Nick performance, setting some kind of aggression record in this war. Further evidence that he knows we know he knows and he likes it, this takes WMS 6c to a cruelly sensual level.
WMS 6g - Closed Eye Debacle - How is this even possible? How can you eye debacle someone if your eyes are closed? I forced myself to endure this intel over and over in an attempt to answer this burning question. Perhaps its the incredibly long (and evil) eyelashes or, perhaps, its the fact that AlClayda eyes are more expressive (and evil) closed then most peoples are open. Maybe it was the especially potent smirk that accompanied every closed eye debacle? I really dont know how it works but boy does it.
WMS 6h - Framed - In the same way a frame draws the eye to a piece of artwork on the wall, those seemingly innocuous silver glasses capture the gaze of even the most hardened inspector. And, once he has you hopelessly locked in, the Punisher can have his debacling way with you. There is no known decontamination strong enough to thwart this tactic.
WMS 7 The Clutch Smirk A devastating weapon employed during performances of Invisible whereby OMC clutches his shirt, swivels his hips (sometimes accompanied with a knee bend, which seriously escalates threat level) then, after hearing female screams, OMC moves on with a self-satisfied smirk. Unfortunately this I know you know that I know smirk is not annoying in the least, it's incredibly sexy. All concert goers should avert their eyes at the most vulnerable moments to minimize risk of exposure.
WMS 8 - The Voice - WMS 8 in combination with 2 or more other WMS' is believed to be HIGHLY addictive and hazardous to your mental well-being. It is recommended for optimum safety that civilians in the presence of WMS 8 wear blindfolds. Inspectors will be provided with protective gear certified to withstand WMS 8 + two additional WMS' before hazmat codes are breached.
WMS 8a - The Glory Notes - truly spine-chilling, they last forever and sound as if they could cut through glass.
WMS 8b - Falsetto - can sometimes prove to be a weakness for The Punisher (can anyone say Oprah?). However, when the falsetto voice is successful (I neeeeeeed your love), the effect is devastating.
WMS 8c - Lower register - the deep manly voice can only be compared to chocolate, delicious and seductive, and of course highly toxic
WMS 8d - Whispery voice - Very dangerous, as he is capable of using this sound to convey either wistful longing or quiet intimacy, making you feel as though he is singing only for you. This is how he calls his victims.
WMS 8e - Nasal voice - Think "Grease", think "The Girl Is Mine". Peter Cetera meets Michael Jackson in this strange disguise that the Punisher's voice sometimes assumes.
WMS 8f - Soft voice - Not the same as 8d, the soft voice occurs most often at the end of a phrase on the "oo" sound, occurs with lots of vibrato. (see 8g)
WMS 8g - Vibrato - One of the most serious weapons. Analysis of leaked intel shows that RCA may be on our side, and having determined the danger of WMS 8g, is forcing the Punisher to refrain from deploying this particular weapon in the upcoming propaganda to be released Oct. 14.
WMS 8h - The Growl - This weapon was first deployed on Movie Night, and has made occasional appearances since. However, it did not receive the attention it deserved until it was deployed in Memphis (home of the last great hip-shake). Has also been observed in the leaked RCA intel. Inspector Pearrrrly happens to be relatively immune to 8h. Well, as immune as possible given that The Punisher is involved.
WMS 8i - The Release - Sometimes referred to as a "grunt" it is a breathy, sexy utterance at the end of a note....A prime example occurs at the end of the final note in Solitaire. Assistant Minister Pearrrrly requests that it be noted she was too squeamish to name this particular WMS, leaving the strong of stomach Gwyn to do it instead.
WMS 8j - Choir-boy Clay - Warning - this weapon may make you weep if you happen to be a musician from the sheer beauty, I mean horror, that comes from The Punisher's mouth when he is singing softly and oh-so-trained-correctly. Of course, 8j has to be concealed at all times, otherwise it would be The Punisher's downfall, sending him straight to that street-in-New-York-City-that-shall-not-be-named.
WMS 8k - the Clay Wail - As demonstrated in the last chorus of Invisible, the primal screams of The Punisher on his highest note followed by a deliberate voice break are so dangerous that the Dark Overlords of RCA have deemed it necessary to protect the public by adding multiple layers of engineering to dilute the effect. If the Wail were to be performed live without technological disguise, the fatality rate would be 99 percent.
WMS 8l - The Snarl - This is not as deep as the growl, but is more aggressive. It was unleashed in the Nick performance on the last chorus during the word "smartest". It caused my brain to instantly melt into a jumble of very unladylike thoughts.
WMS 9 - Those Legs
WMS 9a - The Strut - The new swagger in OMC's step once he has launched his devastating combination attack on innocent civilians is a VERY REAL THREAT. WMS 9a in combination with any one or more other WMS is cause for evacuating within a one mile radius of the blast zone/arena.
WMS 9b - The Stance - bad enough on its own but combined with other WMS' (particularly WMS 2) devastating in its impact.
WMS 10 Giving Knee (a.k.a St. Louis Knees) St. Louis is proving to be a turning point in the war, no longer does our enemy pretend, he is now a pure killing machine and liking it. This move can be most effectively described as the coup de grace, an athletic & arousing, I mean alarming, finishing touch to the barrage of heavy fire which precedes it. By the time AlClayda launches WMS 10, his victims are bruised, bleeding and on the ropes, such an obvious overkill can only serve to illustrate the depth of his desirability, I mean depravity. May he suffer for the pain he is causing. Just you wait, mister, keep bending those knees down deep like that and one day youll be stuck there!!!!
WMS 11 - The Pump & Pop - As several field agents had previously reported, the enemy is now self-powering and can use his on board reactor to expand the arsenal before an attack. Should you ever see the disturbing move I am about to describe, retreat immediately to a safe distance (approx. 3 miles). AlClayda uses voltage from the glory note as auditory plutonium which then produces an arousing, I mean disturbing growling sound. To transform this substance into power for his weapons he first bends low, then moving his right arm in a devasting pumping motion he begins the process. This mid-song refueling is so poweful, excess energy actually shots out of the bottoms of his feet lifting him several inches into the air. Fully re-charged, he finishes with a terrifying threat "make you miiiiine tonight".
WMS 12 - Poor Clayby - Even our knowledge of the enemy's true nature cannot protect us from the power of vulnerable Clay. I dare even the strongest of you to see that brave little smile, watch him struggle up the stairs or limp across the stage, pain on his face, while still trying to please us and not crack. There is no defensive shield strong enough for poor Clayby and only one possible reaction. You feel an overhwhelming desire to comfort, hold a cool cloth to his fevered brow, massage his poor injured leg, then throw him down and give him something to take his mind off the pain!!! BAD, BAD *slaps self*
WMS 13 Seattle Shimmy This has been the most delightful, I mean difficult WMS to classify, due to its improvisational nature. Like the first Clutch, the Seattle Shimmy just happened. Poor Clayby, feeling he was not punishing the audience enough invented an entirely new and highly disturbing weapon suited to his unlimited sexiness but limited mobility on this particular occasion. Should he ever polish and escalate this move, god help us all. It begins with a stage cross left to right, as he is entreating us to make you mine tonight, he unleashes an unmistakable shimmying movement with his shoulders and left arm upon the unsuspecting audience. This arousing, I mean frightening shake is followed with a semi-knee bend and outstretched left arm on the long miiiiine note. Then, in a devastating act of aggression AlClayda brings his left hand up to mid chest level and vigorously begins caressing his jersey in extremely fast, small circles (oh, to be THAT jersey), then flicks his arm away and struts to stage right, smirk in place.
WMS 13a Ankles Away! During the JBT, the Punisher felt the need to not only elevate himself above his minio.. er, audience but to attack a defenseless grand piano in the process. Since the majority of his shows were in the great outdoors, the WMS missed prime timetable objectives in his capture. In his heightened, I mean elevated state, our air aircrafts should have been able to blast the arenas with one anti-Punisher smoke bomb, dissipating his mesermising hold. His rocking movements from side to side in WMS 2d Elvis Hips combined with the shifting of the weight from one foot to the other from side to side and then eventually up onto the balls of his feet, flaunting the flexibility of his ankles were very arou , I mean sickening. And what wouldnt we give to see those rockin motions once more, CbA put those panties away I meant, behind the stockade bars where he and his rockin motions belong. Alone. With no soldiers there. Yeah, thats what I meant.
WMS 14 - Those Hands - As implements of non-verbal communication, AlClayda's hands are as chatty as the rest of him. He uses them constantly, whether with speech or song, to point, beckon, offer grand sweeping gestures, or deliver decisive punctuation to his words. They are eloquent in their diverse repertoire--one moment graceful and soft, the next strong and entirely masculine. They are enticing and very hypnotic. This is clearly meant as a weapon of mind control.
WMS 14a - The Touch - When The Punisher uses his hands to touch, oh, anything, be it a microphone, microphone stand, another person, a Krispy Kreme donut, he taps into an altogether different phenomenon. As humans, we are very dependent upon our hands for sensory input and are continually aware, whether consciously or subconsciously, of what our hands are touching. The extension of this is that, when we watch another person touch something, our brains register one of two things. We either "feel" the object we see being touched, or we "feel" the touch on our own skin. This is why poor innocents are dropping left and right at the mere sight of the mic stand caress, and posting pic after pic of Clay's hand on Julia's hip.
WMS 14b - Laying On Hands - This is the component that renders those shirt tugs so deadly. When The Punisher lays his hand on his own body we are caught in the sensory web of combining the options mentioned above. In other words, your brain is interpreting that input either as his hand on your body or your hand on his. Repeated viewing of these events allows the brain to refine its interpretations and raise them to levels of increased conscious awareness. Repeated exposure may result in brain death.
WMS 14c - The Point - A weapon of deadly precision, which employs WMS 14a as a means of aiming any other WMS being simultaneously deployed, The Point enables AlClayda to concentrate the entire force of the attack onto one helpless individual.
WMS 14d - Hands Up - This is a gesture of mock surrender in which AlClayda raises both hands, palms forward. Watch carefully, though, as his hand slowly curls into a defiant fist. Insufferable man!
WMS 15 - The ClayGroove - The unthinkable has happened. What we have long suspected has been unveiled. Sactown Invisible 3:28 confirms that The Punisher not only can dance, he will. So far there is no known defense to this new method of assault.
WMS 16 - Out-of-Body Clay - This category belongs to that insidious set of weaponry that is, I hate to say it, but I must, invisible.
WMS 16a - Mind Control - This is happening to you whether you know it or not. It could be subliminal messages in The Voice, a hypnotic effect of Those Eyes, or, for those poor creatures who have found themselves in close physical proximity with The Punisher, the dreaded Pheromones. Whatever it is, it triggers obsessive thought patterns, incessant dreaming, compulsive shirt-tugging, and binge purchasing of AlClayda propaganda.
WMS 16b - Emotional Clay - This is one of AlClayda's most sly and indefensible weapons. Witnessing the yammy face, the tear-filled eyes, or various heart-rending displays of his compassion for others is guaranteed to lower the defenses of the afflicted.
WMS 16c - Intellectual Clay - This is the effect that AlClayda rouses in us when he's being serious. This is the Bubel/Aiken Press Conference. This is the DC Screen Actors Guild Initiative on Education. This is when he speaks without using notes. This is the mode he goes into when asked about the BAF. This is how words like "debacle" and "surreal," which before were rarely used words in the English language, are now nearly pillow talk. This is how he can be completely serious (no clutching or shimmying or caressing) and still make us feel like we're about to melt.
WMS 16d - Mind Debacle - The Punisher's ability to slice, dice and filet using only the power of his diabolical mind and that tongue all while still coming across as a "nice guy."
WMS 16e - The Vibe - He gives it - we get it - it's silent, but deadly and it gets us each and every time. He walks into the room, we are poised, ready for the assault we know is imminent. No amount of preparation can save us from what is about to occur. There is no defense short of averting our eyes and covering our ears to shield us from the effects of the attack soon to be released upon us. It begins with a glance around the room, and a smile.
Oh, he looks very innocent, but looks can be deceiving. Hands folded in front of him like a teacher in his classroom waiting to instruct his students with his lesson plan for the day. He's a very good teacher, and we learn our lessons well. For when he is finished with this subtle, and clever attack, we are left with a smile on our face and a feeling of warmth radiating throughout our body, not realizing that once again, we've been had! Akin to the Out of Body 'invisible' weapon, this weapon gives off a feeling, a 'vibe'. "From his body, to our body," and nobody is safe. How do you stop his good vibration?
WMS 17 - The Wrapping - AlClayda has maliciously described himself as a gift with new and improved wrapping. Well, Mr. Punisher, you know what happens to wrapping paper--don't say we didn't warn you!
WMS 17a - The 501s
WMS 17b - Fuzzy Sweaters
WMS 17c - The Jersey
WMS 17d - A Brief Encounter (see Ellen)
WMS 17e - Underpants Amnesia
WMS 17f - Yipes! Stripes!
WMS 17g - Woostinkinglowrisebootcuthoo!
WMS 17h - Boy's in the Hoodie
WMS 17i Fever Pitched Fedora
WMS 18 - Claylias - Will the real AlClayda please stand up! Never be fooled into thinking you are seeing the "real" AlClayda, the man has as many Claylias' as he does clones! The inspector who forgets this will end up bunny food!
WMS 19 - The Cluppy - This is Raleigh he coos, gazing into those big brown eyes with limpid looks of love; stroking those big, ugly hands over that soft puppy fur and whispering sweet nothings into those floppy ears. By the time he hands off his fluffy ball of pure evil to the waiting underlings every potential victim is a puddle of goo on the floor with only one thought resonating in what's left of their poor, sad brains "be the puppy, be the puppy".
WMS 20 - Love at First Bite (aka That Neck) - "Boy, his laryngeal prominence really is a... prominence, isn't it? Very unattractive, Mr. Punisher. Never mind that is where his glorious, er hideous deep voice comes from since I hate it anyway. And it's difficult to tell whether those bulges on the right side of his neck are veins or tendons from his sternocleidomastoid muscle. Come on guys, say it with me! STERNOCLEIDOMASTOID!" ~ Dr. Nat
WMS 20a - The Lateral Neck - The Punisher cocks his head ever so slightly to the direction opposite the camera, tilts his chin back and lays bare a wide expanse of neck to the viewer. With his knees, he adjusts the height of his stance, so that maximum surface area gets exposed, including chest and countable chest hair, and a stunningly detailed profile. It leaves him in a position that is seemingly open, yet the Punisher is secure in the knowledge that no one will dare attack it.
WMS 20b - Deep Throat - The Punisher steps up to the mike and lays back his head, exposing the lumpy neck in front, and proceeds to utilize the more flamboyant WMS 8 to give everyone a view of his tonsils. This invokes an uncontrollable urge to crawl deep down inside there just to take a look around and see what makes what tick, and turns even seasoned inspectors to thoughts of going to med school to become ENT specialists.
WMS 20c - The Drop - The Punisher has taken Deep Throat and polished and honed it to lethal perfection. He moves to the mike stand, faces it head on, lets loose the WMS 8, usually with a closed eye debacle, bends his knees and drops his shoulder to give an impression both to the camera and the live audience that he is going down with the proverbial note.
WMS 21 - To the Mattresses (aka Sleepy Clay) - Leaving little to the imagination (or maybe way too much), the Punisher has taken his seduction plot to the mattresses, in open mockery of our own battle cry. As 4Clay so succinctly put it, "He's in bed. Kinda half up and it kinda makes me want to just push him right back down and, and . . . tuck him in. That's right--tuck him in and tell him a bedtime story."
WMS 22 - Splitting Hairs
WMS 22a - The Sideburns - A devastating reminder of the crimson sin. One cannot view the natural, wiry, cinnamon sideburns without being haunted by the mystery. Is it more devastating to see them in all their glory, or to watch them grow before our very eyes, only to disappear again? The fiend knows his victims and seeks to disarm us all, woman and girl alike.
WMS 22b - The Eyebrows - Weapons of expression used to enhance the wink, the smirk, and the yammy face among other diabolical facial assaults.
WMS 22c - The Stubble - A fiendish display of rugged masculinity. He draws you in with those big green eyes, the fluttering lashes, the soft shell-pink lips, and then finishes you off with a little rug burn.
WMS 22d Short Hair Think AI2 and JBT and you'll be on the right track, or the wrong one, depending on your point of view. Short hair proves extra dangerous because it exposes his tender and beautiful neck, drawing us in to imagine placing soft kisses just under the hairline. The mere thought can leave us incoherent, and therein lies the true danger, for we can easily become confused about the true meaning of 'taking the Punisher down.'
WMS 22e Medium Length Hair Think AI3 Fantasy, the Independent Tour, and Hawaii hair. Wait! Have I lost you already? Buck up soldiers! It's imperative that you refrain from imagining your hands running through it. You're under orders to turn away when he runs his own long, sensous fingers through the endless softness. Be strong and don't let yourselves imagine that he's doing it from frustration your mission will be over before it begins.
WMS 22f Long Hair So far, this particular WMS has yet to be seen, but the mere incredible potential of it's appearance is enough for us to issue a warning. The mere threat of long, soft hair whispering over his strong shoulders as he moves sinuously across our field of vision has all our senses on alert. Should this dangerous WMS make an appearance in the near future, we shudder to imagine the resulting casualties.
WMS 23 The Punisher Punch - In a blatant move of aggression, The Punisher first unleashed the weapon now known as The Punisher Punch during the historic SNL attack. After weakening his audience (read: innocent victims) with aural punishment and his classic mic stand manhandling during Invisible, this fiend - in a moment of apparent deep feeling, (he seems to have those a lot) croons, Waaaaaaait, draws back his right hand (we should have seen it coming), and then delivers a very deliberate punch directly to our collective solar plexus no doubt intended to knock the breath out of his victims, leaving them prone on the ground, gasping for air and desperately trying to recoup their scattered wits. Sadly, as this inspector was startled by the assertiveness of this particular move, he achieved his goal. Knowing that once is never enough for this merciless fiend, it is not surprising that he has now made this deathblow a part of his modus operandi deploying it with shocking regularity and increasing hostility throughout his march of death, commonly referred to as the tour, across the country. Unfortunately, no amount of excessive padding or protective gear seems to cushion the blow.
WMS 24 - Mic Work - Stroking, snapping, or tossing, AlClayda flaunts his ability to use those hands. It's a thinly veiled threat; displaying what he'd like to do if he ever got his hands on an inspector.
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WMS 24a - Calming the Mic - Let us start proximally, then move distally, shall we? The subject maintains his arm in the adducted position throughout the maneuver, keeping it in close proximity to his thorax. Im guessing the subject does this so he can more easily extend his forearm. After all, why would his intended victims want to see an extremity flopping all over the place in utter chaos? Not a pretty site, and the subject knows this. As we move distally to the forearm, we see that the subject goes into partial extension of his forearm, releasing and relaxing his biceps and contracting his triceps all in one swift motion so as to move his forearm inferiorly on the mic stand. As we move to the wrist, we see that the subject maintains it in a neutral position, neither flexed nor extended. This is a very controlled movement, because if the subject did flex or extend his wrist, he would likely knock over the mic stand.
And at last we reach the subjects hand the subject maintains his first digit in an abducted position by the continuous contraction of his abductor pollicis brevis muscle. This allows the subject to delicately glide his first digit inferiorly on the mic stand, making the movement smooth and effortless. Before the subject begins to move inferiorly on the mic stand, his metacarpophalangeal joints (MCPs), proximal interphalangeal joints (PIPs), and distal interphalangeal joints (DIPs) remain flexed. As he moves inferiorly on the mic stand, he appears to extend all MCPs (his 4th and 5th digit more than the others), and also extends his 4th and 5th digit PIPs and DIPs. At the same time, he also uses his dorsal interossei muscles to abduct his 2nd-5th digits. To his intended victim, this appears as if he is spreading his fingers apart while using his thumb to glide down the mic stand.
WMS 24b - One Mic Stand
WMS 24c - The Twirl
WMS 24d - Let it Roll
WMS 24e - The Snap
WMS 25 Shouldering the Burden Shoulder work has long been a lost art form er, of torture chambers. Unfortunately the Punisher himself has realized the entrancing power of the shoulders, and intends on using them to their broadest, um fullest extent.
WMS 25a Living La Vida Loca Shoulders of Doom Shown about the lower forty-eight and parts of Canada in 2005, Living La Vida Loca shoulder shimmies were new and exciting for the Punisher to develop. If you notice in early clack from the period, there was not so much movement; wise choice, Mr. Punisher. He was aware of our presence in field engagements. He became fascinated and almost mesmerized by the possibilities of more movement, and possible capture. Wait, that was me ummm *ahem* He became brazen toward the end of the engagements, swaggering this way and that; arms held out from his body as though there were an invisible force tugging from one side to the other. *Note to field infantry: This would be the perfect time to lasso his wrists for capture.
WMS 25b Unicef Relief (or Give A Little Bit Shoulders of Sensuality)
Thanks to our extremely talented Minister of Interrogation YouStopRightNow (a.k.a. Don'tStopEver) for The Punisher Dossier!
Love the explanation!
